by Fred
I’ve been really convicted lately that I’ve not been fundamentalist enough. I need to get fundamentaler. I know I just need to be more sold out. The Christian life has to be extreme, right?
I met this dude the other day; his name was “Ed,” and he was an “evangelical.” He agreed the Christian life needs to be extreme, but then he thought that meant he was supposed to wear cool clothes and get tattoos of Jesus and snowboard and witness to people on the lifts, and somehow all this would mean he was an extreme Christian. Sounds like compromise to me.
But then I realized…my church’s name is “First Conservative Evangelical Church!” I went straight to Pastor Funk and I said, “This has got to stop.” And Pastor Funk said, “I know. It must be the Lord’s timing, Fred, because I’ve just finished coming up with a new name for the church. We’ve compromised on too many issues for far too long. Here’s the new name: First Conservative Separated Independent Fundamentalist Regular Baptist NOT-Catholic KJV-Only Gays-Aren’t-Allowed-Here Church. Or RCSIFRBNCKJVOGAAHC for short. Sound good?”
Indeed, it sounded very good to me.
Funny thing was, as soon as we put the sign up, Ed the Evangelical came over and asked if their church could use the old name. I guess he’s some assistant youth pastor or something at one of those compromising churches that wants to get rid of its denominational affiliation.
“Sure,” Pastor Funk replied. “But don’t even talk to me again. We’re separated from wayward brethren like you.”
No more compromise. We’re going to be more fundamentaler than ever before, and we’ll let Ed go be a wussy evangelical. I bet he pees sitting down.
4 responses so far ↓
1 Mike F. // Feb 29, 2008 at 1:08 pm
Fred, I’m so disappointed in you. You used the word “dude” (must clean the filth from my mind for thinking such a word). Clearly, in this area you have capitulated to the culture. “Sounds like compromise to me” indeed.
Please repent. Oh, and you might want to have your pastor change his name while you’re at it.
2 Fred the Fundamentalist // Feb 29, 2008 at 3:06 pm
Mike, I’d give some thought to your comments, but forgive me if I’m a little skeptical…your blog is called “Life in Mordor.” So, not only are you making reference to the work of a Catholic that compromises even more by having pagan elements like magic, but you’re actually choosing to live in the land of a dark wizard! My guess is your judgment is way off.
3 stamati // Feb 29, 2008 at 9:38 pm
I am in stitches. Thank you for this hilarious and very accurate view of fundamentalism, a worship of convictions. It is a mindset I am trying to put aside.
abrotherisborn.blogspot.com
4 Black Angus // Mar 1, 2008 at 5:59 pm
Fred,
I applaud your commitment to becoming more and more fundamentaler. In these dark days we need lights like yours shining in docrinally hermetically-sealed bushels. It will be a great witness come the rapture when people look in and find no-one home. That’ll learn them. Perhaps you can describe your progess as a church as ‘fundamentaled and fundamentaling.’
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